I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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