it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
