the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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