My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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