don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
