and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
