Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
