I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
