Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
