Can i not drive my cunt home
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize