So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
