That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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