i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
