remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
