on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
