half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
