Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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