My sheets look like a crime scene.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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