You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
