there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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