My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
