First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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