im drinking this country out of the recession.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
