I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
