Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
