just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
