She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
