Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
