I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
do nipples grow back?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
