got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
