I bet he comes in French.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
