everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
