Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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