Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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