C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
