Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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