you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
