Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
