Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
