Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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