dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
