I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
