I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
