Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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