gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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