do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
