the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
