I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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