shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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