i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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