then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
