I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
