Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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