I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
