I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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