i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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