so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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