rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
