the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Two words: nipple clamps
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