I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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