omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
honey bunches of taint.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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