i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
