I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
