you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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