This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
