CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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