her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
