i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize