she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
