Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
