Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
